singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
