JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
