listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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