omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
