Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
