either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
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Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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