theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
how does that bad decision feel?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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