I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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