Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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