Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
