Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the condom got lost in my hair
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
