i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
