My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
