I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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