my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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