Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
