Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize