I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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