Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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