my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
