i was born a porn star she said
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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