theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
