Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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