Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
