I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
