I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
