you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
