dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
