words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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