whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
