i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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