this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
