it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
