Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
