I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
its liver damage thursday
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
