i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
