mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
