last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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