Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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