69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she looked like the before picture.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
