Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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