I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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