honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
