im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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