those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
