the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize