I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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