just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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