remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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