all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
