She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
