8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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