I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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