The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
