I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
COCAINE IS GR8
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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