what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
