sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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