I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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