When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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