Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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