my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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