I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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