That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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