Screwed.edu
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
