3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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