Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Randomize
