So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
