i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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