A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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