Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I would ride that face into the sunset
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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