bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
