Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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