I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
