Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Randomize
