I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
