Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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