We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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