I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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