You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize