I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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