i just wanna soil my oats bro
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
