I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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